Why you’re not getting what you want in life and how to change it

Ever found yourself watching other peoples lives on Instagram and wishing you could have it? How about those late nights getting lost down that Pinterest rabbit hole dreaming of sailing the Amalfi Coastline for three months of the year but deep down you know it will never happen to you?

Yep, I’ve been there before. When I first started StartUp Creative almost five years ago now, I remember sitting on my old tatted couch in a tiny two bedroom unit, struggling to find $3.80 for a daily coffee, my one luxury. 

Despite having no idea how, I somehow knew that if I could see and feel the life that I wanted, then something in me knew I could create. I soon decided that entrepreneurship would be the vehicle to help me achieve this life and I began absorbing all the books, podcast, courses, mentor advice, training and lessons I that I could to learn how. 

What I’ve come to realise over the years, is that you really can have the life of your dreams. From someone who sat back and dreamt of a life that no-one in her family or inner circle was living and somehow created it from nothing, I really do believe to my deepest core that no matter where you are now, you truly are capable of designing and living the life of your dreams. 

Here are my 10 tips on how to do it: 

  1. You are the only one responsible.  The moment you realise that you are the only thing standing in the way of your wildest dreams, the quicker you will see them come to life. Each of us has the same amount of time every day to achieve our goals. The people who get what they want are the ones using their time to the best of their ability. No one else is going to do it for you, be proactive and decide here and now that you are going to design the life of your dreams. 
  2. Get clear on what you want. How will you know you’re living your best life if you don’t know what it would look like? Take 10 mins out of your day today to sit down and get really clear on what you want for your life. Be careful not to fall into the default of what your parents wanted for you or what your partner wants or even what your friends or Instagram feed has. Breathe into your body, connect to your heart and ask yourself ‘what do I desire?’ 
  3. Stop being a victim.  The ‘poor me, my life is shit, that person is lucky, I wish I could have that life’ mentality isn’t going to get you anywhere fast. If you spend your life floating downstream as a victim and just allowing life to ‘happen to you’ then you’re likely to be served a shitty life that doesn’t inspire you. Decide to be the co-creator of your life and see what happens.  
  4. Upskill yourself. Dream lives don’t just fall in your lap. Everyone I’ve met along the way has worked hard for their success and happiness. Be it an inspiring relationship, a thriving business or abundant cash flow to travel the world, it all takes skills. If it’s not working for you right now, find out what skills it takes to have what you want then go out and get them.
  5. Surround yourself with people living your ideal life. Being around people who are living an element of the life that you want is one the fastest ways to get it for yourself. Not only do they hold the vibration of ‘this is possible, I’m living proof’ but by observing their behaviors, tone of voice, choices, and mentality you can quickly start to emulate their life and create it for yourself. Just like hanging out with negative people often puts you in a negative mood, hanging out with inspiring and successful people will elevate your potential in life. 
  6. Take massive action, even when you don’t feel like it. If we always listened to what our bodies wanted we’d never get anywhere in life. Emotions and feelings are valid at times but shouldn’t rule our every move in life. The trick is to know when to overwrite the program of pain or discomfort and replace it with motivation and action. The truth is, nothing changes if nothing changes. You can’t get fit and health if you’re not prepared to do the workout. Be the boss of your body and remind yourself daily what you’re working towards – creating the life of your dreams. 
  7. Get outside perspective and feedback. Sometimes you just can’t see what needs to be done and fair enough, if you’ve never done it before, figuring out the next steps then finding the motivation to do it can all be too much and can trigger major overwhelm and eventually inaction. If you’re struggling to carry the load or you’ve progressed to a certain milestone and you just can’t seem to find the next step, ask for help. Find a mentor, coach or someone outside of you who can give you honest, practical and supportive feedback and direction to help you stay on track. Asking for help can be hard and humbling, but without it, you risk derailing your progress and sabotaging your success.  
  8. Master your mind. The most important step. If you allow limiting beliefs to run wild in your mind then you’re likely to believe them. Spend some time taking inventory of the messages your mind is feeding you on a daily basis and ensure it is in alignment with your goals. If not, use affirmations, autobiographies, podcasts, mediation and/or silence to keep your mind strong, positive and clear.
  9. Feel it in your body first. If you can start to feel it in your body, then you are more likely to experience it in real life. I personally use meditation, visualisation and positive future focused language to help me believe that I can and will have the life of my dreams. As humans, we have the ability to use our imagination to transport ourselves to our wildest dreams and physically change the chemistry in our body to believe it’s already happened. For example, right now you can close your eyes and imagine yourself on a rollercoaster or surfing a dreamy wave or making love. When you imagine these things, your body is flooded with the chemicals of what it would feel like to be in that moment. Once our body knows the feeling, it is more likely to believe it is possible and will start to attract more of those experiences in your waking life. 
  10. Believe you can have it.  Somewhere along the line, we were disconnected from our dreams. We were fed the lie that we can only have what is given to us or what our parents had or what people in our culture or background have had. We have been deprived of the knowledge that there are infinite possibilities of what we can create, experience or have for our lives. There are plenty of examples of people who have broken free of the limiting beliefs they were sold and created the life of their dreams, from Oprah Winfrey to Michael Jordan. If you haven’t heard it before, let me be the first to tell you that you live in an abundant world, surrounded by infinite possibilities. You can and will have the life of your dreams if you start believing you can. Now go out and get it. 

Need a coach? Get in touch for a 1:1 session with me, (Kaylene, Founder of StartUp Creative)